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The Marriage Drift

November 15, 2022by unstucktherapy

Marriage is a growing love or a growing distance. One is intentional, the other… well, it depends.

Your love – which is something of action, not just emotions or feelings, grows in one direction or the other. This growth depends on where your attention is focused. Growth always depends on where your focus lies.

It has been said: No one drifts toward a healthy marriage.

The same is true for “love.” No one drifts toward love. Sure, we may drift toward elation, emotion, and lust. But love? That takes intentionality.

So here are three ways to grow your love and shrink the growing distance. 

  1. Remember “why” you love your partner. Say these things out loud to yourself. Write these reasons down. Rehearse them in your mind. This helps shrink the voice of distance.
  2. Identify potential reasons as to why you feel you are growing distant. Write them down in your mobile device notes or on paper. Be honest with yourself about these reasons. You cannot lie your way into a growing love. Lying about the reasons will increase the distance.
  3. If you have some sense of healthy communication, ask your partner for some time to go over how you feel the distance is growing and the love is shrinking. If you know this kind of conversation will end in disaster and increase the distance, talk about these issues with a therapist or mentor. And yes, most of us need a third party.

It will be up to you to decrease the distance and increase love growth. Yes, we want our partners to be the initiators, but if we wait on the other, our distance will continue to grow until there is no marriage left.

If you need help with shrinking the distance, consider couples therapy. The Refuge would glad to walk through this with you and your spouse to see you both thrive and grow your love to a brand new level.

Let’s shrink the distance and grow the love!

– Matt